Two days before my kayak Buttercup disappeared (on the recent Fall Equinox), I was sitting in her for the umpteenth time, coming home at sunset after kayaking with dolphins as I do most every evening at this time, and this thing happened. I looked at the dock under which I keep Buttercup, and saw it was empty and felt my heart lurch. I momentarily felt the adrenalin surge of loss until I realized the space was empty because I was sitting in my kayak! I have been joined at the hip with this kayak for 10 years and that being spooked by my own brain malfunction has never happened before.
Two days later, I go to kayak at sunset, and there is no kayak. She is gone gone gone. I have kept her in the same space for all this time. There is virtually no crime on this island. I have not the least doubt that I had a premonition two days prior about this imminent absence. (In picture she is on top of dock that she used to live under).
Here's my thought. I heard inside myself "This is not what it looks like. Relax." Well, I did relax. Really relaxed. I missed my companion because of the amazing experiences I had had in her over a ten year period but it occurred to me that love doesn't end, and I love her with all my heart still and time is an illusion and she is somewhere having an adventure and . . . I was told that this is not what it looks like so I can afford to just wait for the bigger story to present itself to me, whenever that happens.
I do have another kayak just like her but something told me not to pull it out yet. One of the results of my losing Buttercup is that I have started meeting up with dolphins in the water in whole new ways by swimming rather than kayaking. It is harder because with a kayak I can cover a lot of ground, but, the dolphins seem to be wanting to hang out with 'the human' more than ever before. I just kind of go mindless and swim under water a lot and when I do these things, and don't go lusting after them, the dolphins come to me and include me while they are just going about their business. I just love being in their general area, leaving them alone, but feeling the results of their presence intensely. They look me in the eye as if to say, "yeah, you're ok with us" and then, they just keep on doing what they do. Feeling their sonar (and hearing it underwater) and spending so many hours in the water causes whole new levels of awareness to come into my sphere. I will be sharing much more about that in other blogs. Lifechanging stuff.
If Buttercup had not disappeared, I would not have discovered this new swimming connection. I was too content with my old routine. That's life, isn't it?
One last noticing . . .right next to where I would keep Buttercup, there has been an explosion of bright yellow butterflies. They are everywhere. They are like pieces of Buttercup that have taken flight. And for all I know, that is exactly what they are!